This is Bobby. *
Bobby knows an awful lot about his friends. Too much, sometimes. He knows important calendar dates that haven’t been shared with him, he saves phone numbers that he overhears in conversation just in case he might need them, he notices when other’s car tags are about to expire, and the notes in his phone reflect the chronology of our lives. In general, he comes dangerously close to crossing the line between perceptive and just plain creepy. Though he knows a lot about us, we don’t know too much about him. But we like Bobby. And so we thought it only fair to give him a taste of his own medicine. Yes, indeed, creepy is as creepy does.
This is Jasmine. *
Jasmine is the other half of the “we”.
(Rori and I find it difficult to coordinate the hands-on work of pranking when separated by 1,000 miles, so an in-state partner was needed.) Jasmine is quiet, and thus is most likely plotting devious things 87.9% of the time, because everyone knows it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for.
This is Donald.
He is running for President of the United States.
*Names do not reflect what these people are called 100% of the time.
Once upon an April morning, my pranking bone was tickled by the sudden realization that I knew the location of my good friend’s spare house key. What mischievous things could be done with such a tool in hand! Shortly thereafter, I texted Jasmine my unfiltered thoughts, and she jumped on board. Another month passed, and nothing actualized, so I texted again, this time with an example of a prank I found online. She responded instead: “Bobby would the most fun to prank. :D”
And with that, the storm was brewing in our brains. Two weeks later, we met after work to devise a prank that was well-suited for Bobby. The only requirement: it had to involve some element of creepy stalkerishness.
Sending flowers to his office from a secret admirer?
Didn’t know the suite number or his favorite flower.
Leaving things on his car or house?
Would give ourselves away.
Breaking and entering?
Against the law.
But alas! His birthday was coming.
And! We often joked with him about the fact that he had decided to vote for Donald Trump (one of the few things we knew about him). Could these two things be joined together in pranking matrimony? Absolutely!!! Donald Trump could send him a birthday card!!!
STEP 1: Discover Bobby’s address.
After searching home owners’ records and white pages online, I found a few addresses that were promising. I asked a friend to confirm but she couldn’t remember exactly, so I set out to weasel it out of Bobby himself. Joking with him one evening about the fact that we had never been to his house, I played dumb, asking if he lived in a particular city (though I knew well that he didn’t). He replied by offering me his cross-streets. DUPED!
STEP 2: Design and send amazing birthday card.
STEP 3: Wait for feedback.
The sweetest job of pranking is tasting the fruit of your labors. This happened on a day when a large group of us were at brunch and a political discussion arose. The conversation went as follows:
Bobby: Trump sent me a birthday card!
Me: That is really weird…
Bobby: I don’t even know how he got my birthday.
Another friend: Aren’t you on his mailing list?
Bobby: Yes, but I have never given him my birthday!
Me: The government knows lots of stuff about you.
Jasmine: What did the card say?
Bobby: It said “Let’s make your birthday great again.”
Me: Well, did you?
Bobby: Yeah, it was pretty great.
Me: Good, you made Trump proud.
The Story Continues…
After this whole ordeal, Jasmine approached me one night very concerned that Bobby still hadn’t figured out it was a joke. Should we tell him, she asked? NO!!!!!!!!! If we have maintained our anonymity, we will take full advantage of it! But how?
This was a job for Rori Madril.
Calling her up, I explained the whole story and the success of Phase One. Now, said I, I needed her expert advice on what to do next. What else could Trump know about Bobby that he really shouldn’t? Could he, perhaps, send him something else? Should we tip Bobby off somehow that the scheme was fake?
At that, Rori said, “What if Trump made a mistake about the information he knew about Bobby? Like, what if he sent him a card for a Jewish holiday instead of a Christian one?”
This, ladies and gentlemen, could only have been the Holy Spirit at work. That Spirit of Joy Who just so happens to know – even though Rori didn’t – that Bobby just so happens to work for a Jewish business. The hatching of such a glorious idea is akin to falling face-first into a pool of Ghirardelli chocolate. (I mean, I think. The latter has never happened to me…) And I savored it. Boy howdy, did I savor it.
Having already completed STEP 1, I repeated STEP 2…..
Now, on to STEP 3. 🙂