The Hubcap Hunt


It had been four years. FOUR YEARS.

Four years of recovering from almost being set on fire. Four years of lamenting our epic fail. Four years of waiting for the next “perfect victim,” who would be just curious enough and just quirky enough to participate in our anonymous creepster treasure hunt.

And then he came.


A recent graduate from the University of Steubenville, he was young and fresh and had a great sense of humor and a love for adventure. He would be number 5 in the line of youth ministers initiated by the friendly parish pranksters.

The thing you have to know about Bradley was that he had a cheap set of hubcaps. He had even lost a hubcap as he was driving because it flew off of his car. Now, this was not our fault. But we thought we would help him out.

Honestly, that was exactly our intent…

So we readied ourselves. On my own car, I spent time practicing the art of quickly and slyly prying off hubcaps. (It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.) Then, when the time was right, Rori and I both went over to the church parking lot, stationed ourselves to make sure there would be no witnesses, and I removed all….. three….. of Bradley’s caps and threw them in the trunk of my car.

Ha! Now he had reason to play our game.

The goal: follow the clues, find the pieces, put together the map, find the “X” and recover your hubcaps. Maybe….

Bradley was an excellent sport. There was only one piece that he did not search for or failed to find, and so we had to give him a bonus clue to make sure he got it. We had learned our lesson from the first attempt that most people will stop playing if the clues take them all over kingdom come. So we drew a map of the church and all the clues were found inside. We even recycled a few, because we’re lazy…..and because we were going to make sure someone read and appreciated them.

In the end, the “X” didn’t lead Bradley to his hubcaps. It led to a small pirate’s chest with a bag of Pirate’s Booty popcorn. Sucker!

A few days later, we bought him a brand new set of 4 caps and left them on his desk. And a great time was had by all. By far, the best part was when Rori got trapped in the men’s bathroom while trying to plant the last piece. She was supposed to tape it to the side of a toilet and make her escape, when a man came in to go poop! AWK-WARD! Yes, I was supposed to be keeping watch outside, but what was I supposed to do?! Tell him he couldn’t use his own bathroom because there was a female inside….conducting a secret operation? It was a terrible, terrible situation, and Rori is still receiving counseling. 😉

All in all, the moral of this story is….
If at first you don’t succeed, pick a new target and try again.

Clue #1 (led to the grand piano in the church):
In a church that’s underground
This is where I shall be found
Tickle the ivories and you’ll see
That with this clue there is a key
On your head, you must stand
Can’t you see? This plan is grand

Clue #2 (led to the icebox in the kitchen):
Here you minister and eat
Wash your hands and have a treat
Wonder what I’m cooking up?
Best for you to bring a cup
Have a drink – and make it cold
Find your clue before it molds

Bonus clue (led to the icebox piece which he failed to find):
I see the last one gave you trouble
Now today you must get double
After this there’s just one more
Then you can claim your sweet reward
Beware the kitchen-dwelling mice
Underneath the box of ice

Clue #3 (led to the church library reference books):
In the church, above the ground
This is where I can be found
Reference me, and you will see
I’m in a book marked A-Z
The 31st, a day of wages
Come find me between the pages

Clue #4 (led to the men’s bathroom):
This next one’ll throw you for a loop
It’s in the place where you go poop
On the porcelain, I’ll be found
In a church that’s underground
You won’t know the stall in which I hide
So rear your legs and take a dive

Clue #5 (the “X” led to the church storage closet):
Now is the time for which you’ve been waiting
I must say it’s been quite entertaining
But please don’t see this chase as vicious
I promise the treasure’s bootylicious
So follow the map – it’s not that far
Aye aye matey! X marks the spot! Yarr!


Map and treasure chest


Close up of the pirate map from our scrapbook “Memoirs of a Prankster”





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